Breaking Free from the Cult of Productivity
Learning how to actually enjoy my life again and a few tips on how to get better at enjoying things. Fellow recovering workaholics, this one's specially made for you.
Quick update: I intend to regularly update this newsletter, because I love writing, whether or not anyone reads it. Always have. Kind of makes me sad I forgot that for a while.
Going forward, you can expect posts on interdisciplinary explorations of personal growth, society, spirituality, and tech.
Since someone is actually reading this, I’ll aim to give you actionable takeaways, learnings, and a call to think more critically about your life and what’s going on around us.
Breaking Free from the Cult of Productivity
I recently started trying to enjoy things for the sake of enjoying them. This might sound easy, but my relationship to time was formed by an early onset addiction to productivity, so enjoying myself has been a low priority.
My default is to always be productive. Everything I do has to placate the insecurity that I’ll never create enough value. So I overcompensate with my hobbies: coding, photography, producing videos, writing, poetry, fitness. I genuinely love these things, but I’ve pulverized them down to a set of todos I can check off to justify my existence.
I’ve always struggled with feeling okay with myself as I am, without the comfort of a recent accomplishment. Years of therapy have helped me curb the propensity to self-destruction, but it didn’t eradicate my haunting fear of ineptitude. The culprit could be late stage capitalism, having immigrant parents, or a broken wire in my brain; in any case, I need to learn to live within earshot of an insecure voice in my head.
That shriveled voice in me is insulted by my recent choice to enjoy things for the sake of enjoying them, like music, design, art; anything that I can’t easily hack to be “productive”.
There’s nothing aspirational about this voice. It’s a joyless existence obsessed with constant improvement. It bastardizes my ambition until all that’s left is self-hatred.
So I decided to do something about it.
I started tracking everything I like, so I can venture deep into my interests.
My goal with this new habit is to build a stronger muscle for enjoying things, without putting my existential value on the table.
If I chisel this habit down to its core, all that’s left is a simple choice to love myself the way I would encourage someone I love to seek out the things they enjoy.
My mind feels lighter when it’s free to explore, unburdened by the pestering voice of an insecure god demanding that I get back to work. I prefer this freedom, and I hope you get to experience it yourself today.
7 ways to get better at enjoying things
If you’re interested in learning how to get better at enjoying things, here’s an actionable list of what’s helped me so far.
Save everything you come across that you like. Write it down, bookmark it, have a note on your phone you keep adding to, track it all. The more specific, the better.
How I do it: I carry a pocket sized notebook / pen, use Safari’s Reading List feature, and a Notion page.
Go deeper: Ali LaBelle wrote a great piece on how they keep long lists of things they want to revisit or remember later.
Delete social media with infinite-scroll feeds you find addictive (i.e. TikTok, Instagram, Twitter).
How I did it: I started abstaining in 4-8 hour blocks over several weeks before it naturally snowballed into rarely opening the apps.
Why this matters: You need a healthy attention span to be sufficiently mindful of what you like, and to thoughtfully keep track, revisit, and build upon your ideas.
Go back through old books, photos, things you’ve saved online. You’d be surprised at how many interests you want to pick back up after so much time.
How I’ve been doing it: I revisit my journal, rewatch scenes from movies I watched years ago, re-listen to music that intrigued me as a teenager.
Delve into things outside of your comfort zone.
How I’ve been doing it: Bought a pair of blue-tinted, square sunglasses that look nothing like the Ray-Bans I’ve worn for years, let my hair grow out and started styling it in an “old money” aesthetic I’ve always been intrigued by, started reading sci-fi, started writing poetry, started wilderness backpacking.
Worth noting: It’s okay to start a bunch of things and not “finish” them! Let yourself have phases. You learn so much along the way, and you get to carry that with you into the next thing, and so on.
Articulate your opinions and why you like or dislike something.
How I do it: I write it down, or try to hash it out with a friend who’s gracious enough to listen.
Notice when you feel most like yourself. Be present in that moment and try to isolate the variable that makes it so special to you.
How I do it: I take note of activities that cause me to lose track of time: reading, writing, video editing, hiking.
Follow tastemakers and let them do part of the work of curation.
How I do it: I started reading/annotating the Magazine B issue on MUJI, I try to visit an art museum in LA once a month, I try to spend time in well-designed interiors, and I keep track of my favorite long-form interviews with different types of experts.
Disclaimer: this is a slow, iterative process. Don’t rush it. Remember that no one thinks about what you do, so let yourself go through as many phases as you need to find what you actually like.
If you have any questions, thoughts, or feedback on this piece, please share via email or in the comments below!